


The Company We Keep

by muchmoremajestic



Series: Passenger Side, Lighting The Sky [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergent, Description of car accident in ch 7, Endgame Canon Divergent, Grief/Mourning, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, M/M, Night Terrors, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Steve is a clueless bi in this one, The death occurs before the story begins, avengers endgame canon divergent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-10-02 06:32:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17259317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/muchmoremajestic/pseuds/muchmoremajestic
Summary: After losing half of the Avengers to defeat Thanos, Steve can't handle staying at the Avengers Compound. He leaves on his motorcycle, and Tony goes with him. But why won't Tony say a word?





	1. Anywhere But Here

**Author's Note:**

> This story (and series) was created based on story speculation from Endgame that was going around Dec 2018/Jan 2019. Therefore, this story is entirely canon divergent post Infinity War and Endgame.

He’s relieved Bucky, Sam, Wanda, and all the others are safe. But the price they paid - Thor, Bruce, and Clint - wrecked Steve’s stomach with guilt. The living spaces, the lab, the training rooms, and filled bedrooms are a constant reminder of who they've lost.

Thor, Bruce, and Clint had sacrificed themselves to save Steve, Tony, and Nat, respectively. They defeated Thanos, but the details as to how it happened were blurry to Steve.

He remembers Thanos ripping his shield like it was paper, and tossing it aside. The shock of seeing it in two pieces. Looking up to see Thanos grabbing a sharp piece of metal and quickly slamming it down; the sound of Thor screaming “ _STEVEN”_ and the sensation of getting pushed away as Thor took a direct spear to the side and dropped to the ground.

Steve remembers seeing red, after that.

The next thing he vaguely recalls is the sound of Scott yelling at him to get up, and the sensation of Carol picking him up and dragging him toward her ship. A blurry recollection of Rhodey patching up Tony’s new wounds, and the sound of someone crying beside him. Was that Natasha?

He then remembers landing at the compound. The bay door of the ship opening up letting in blinding sunlight as medical teams met them on the landing strip to tend to their wounds.

He remembers sitting on the floor of the hospital wing but doesn’t know how he got there. Recalls hearing the sound of Sam and Wanda and Bucky’s voices in the hallway over as Rhodey ran to greet them. He remembers not having it in him to get up and go to them, despite doing all of this to bring them back. He can only recall bits of other things; the echo of Sam’s voice as he ran to Steve’s side; the sight of Wanda with tears down her face; the feeling of Bucky pulling him in for a tight embrace that Steve could barely muster the energy to reciprocate.

It had been three weeks since the battle. This morning, while preparing coffee, Steve stumbled across a pair of Bruce’s glasses.

At that moment, he knew he could not stand to be at the compound another second longer.

He placed the cup in the sink and turned and marched to his room. Steve began to pack a bag with some clothes. He didn’t know where he was going to go, but he couldn’t stay here.

Nat walked by his room and looked in.

“What are you doing?” she asked. He frantically shoved jeans and underwear into an old duffle bag.

“Gotta get out of here.”

“And go where?”

“Don’t know, don’t care, just have to leave.”

“Steve, what the hell, you can’t just run away - ”

“Please, I’m sorry Nat. I feel like if I stay here any longer, I’m going to suffocate. I can’t be here, and it hurts too much, I -” Steve let out a half sob and half gasp for air. He hadn’t noticed that his hands were shaking as he stuffed shirts and socks into his bag.

He turned to look at Natasha. Her eyes were wide with worry. She looked at him up and down trying to get a read on him. They made eye contact. Steve realized this was the first time he’d looked someone in the eye since the battle.

He took his bag and pushed past Natasha. She followed him out of his room but ran down the hallway in the other direction.

Steve marched out of the compound and toward the garage where his motorcycle was. He took the bike and filled it up with gas and checked the tires. The whole process took several minutes, but when he was done, he got on the motorcycle and started to drive it out of the garage.

As Steve turned the motorcycle around, he saw Tony approaching him. Steve was absolutely _not_ in the mood to fight with Tony. He just wanted to get away as fast as possible.

“Please don’t try to stop -“ Steve hastily shouted, but he cut himself short. He took another look at Tony, hiding behind a pair of sunglasses, wearing a duffle bag around his shoulder and holding a motorcycle helmet in his hands. In whatever time it took Steve to prepare his motorcycle, it was not enough time for Natasha to run to Tony, tell him Steve was leaving, _and_ for Tony to pack a bag. Tony must have already been packed.

_Oh._

Tony hadn’t said anything, just looking at Steve as if he was waiting for permission.

“I need to get out of here. If you want to go too, hop on.” At Steve’s prompting, Tony wordlessly got on the back of Steve’s motorcycle, put on the helmet, and wrapped his right arm around Steve’s waist. When Steve felt Tony lean his head against Steve’s back, he took off.

 


	2. The Silent Passenger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 3 of a road trip heading nowhere and Steve doesn't know what to do about Tony.

Steve hadn’t really been paying attention to where he was driving, going with just enough awareness to safely navigate through traffic. He snapped out of it when he looked up and saw that after three days of traveling from upstate New York, they were only in southern New Jersey, several miles outside of Philadelphia. He must have been bouncing around New York and New Jersey without realizing it.

Most of their days were spent on the road, with Steve moving the motorcycle between cars and turning on and off highways to random roads. No destination in mind, just a random choice upon seeing the next street sign. Even with his eidetic memory, Steve couldn’t trace back their entire route - he wasn’t trying to pay attention to where they were at any given time.

With his thoughts wandering over the past few days, he also occasionally forgot that he had a passenger with him. But Tony was still there, sat on the back of Steve’s motorcycle, arm wrapped around Steve’s waist. They hadn’t discussed the fight with Thanos, or why Steve wanted to leave, or even the goal of their wandering field trip. After considering it, Steve realized that it’s been three days of traveling and Tony hadn’t actually said a single word.

While it was difficult to speak while riding on the motorcycle, when they were off the road Tony still remained silent. They had been grabbing food to go from diners and fast food restaurants and crashing at whatever cheap motel was closest to when Steve was too tired to drive anymore. Steve didn’t even realize he had started ordering for the both of them. Every time, Tony would just hand over his credit card, silently. Then smile as an acknowledgment of thanks when someone did something for them.

They pulled up to a motel to stop for the night. Steve continued their nightly routine, this time ordering two chicken Caesar salads from a diner across from the motel. He entered the motel room to find Tony watching the news.

“ _Tonight the world continues to react to the return of billions who disappeared last April._ ”

The news showed footage of families running into each other's arms, communities from around the world dancing and celebrating. That evening’s reports were about national celebrations occurring in Peru, South Africa, and France.

Steve didn't know how the word got out about what they did and what had happened with Thanos, but the whole world knew the Avengers fought and sacrificed to bring everyone back. So over the past few days on the road, every time Steve and Tony interacted with someone else, inevitably someone would recognize them, come up and say thank you (tonight it was the hostess at the diner, who thanked Steve for saving her husband). Occasionally, someone would also offer their condolences for the fallen Avengers, and Steve would feel his chest tighten just a bit.

It felt strange - to be the odd man out as the world celebrated what the Avengers did. While the rest of the world cried in joy at the return of loved ones, two of the people responsible for such joy sat in a shitty motel room miles from home. Misery loves company, and from Steve’s view, here sat two of the most miserable people currently on Earth.

Tony sighed and changed the channel to some old game show from the 70s. Steve handed over one of the salads and Tony accepted it with a small smile of appreciation. They ate quietly as the corny game show music blared from the small TV set.

They finished their food and prepared for bed. Steve was sat up reading a magazine from the room when he looked over to Tony. Tony climbed into his bed, gave a small wave goodnight to Steve, turned and faced the wall and went to sleep.

Tony’s silence was becoming more and more worrying to Steve. Usually, Tony couldn’t stop himself from trying to fill the silence. Tony was even known for talking out loud while in his lab when there was only an AI to talk to. Steve used to think it was Tony’s ego, but over the years as he learned more about the man Steve figured out that Tony’s need to gab was the result of a mind racing a million miles an hour and a constant need to impress. Tony’s way with words was often also a defense mechanism, a way he used to get himself out of trouble. So now, when Steve thought Tony _must_ be feeling vulnerable, the silence seemed unusual.

Deep down, Steve knew it wasn't the silent treatment. That whatever reason Tony was keeping quiet, it wasn't something Steve did, for once. There was a time where Steve would have been certain that Tony was just giving him the cold shoulder for a reason Steve knew he probably deserved. But this was different.

Now, it seemed like whatever thoughts were racing through Tony’s head were keeping him there, quiet and occupied.

But Steve couldn’t tell if this was just Tony’s way of coping or a greater sign of the gap that had come between them since the fallout over the Accords and Siberia. Maybe it wasn’t that Tony didn’t want to talk at all, maybe he just didn’t want to share his feelings with Steve. These few days they had traveled together were the most time Steve and Tony had spent together in years. After the snap, and getting Tony back from space, there was no time to really hash out what had happened between them; fighting Thanos and saving the others was more important than any personal squabbles between themselves. But Thanos was dead and almost everyone came back alive. Now that the fight was over and the dust was settling, Steve still wasn’t sure where he stood with Tony. He couldn’t help but try to do the mental math in his head.

As far as he could see, you don’t pack a bag and speed off with someone you mistrust.

You don’t post up in crappy motel rooms eating roadside diner burgers with a guy you can’t stand.

And you don’t leave everything behind to go on an endless road trip to nowhere with someone you don’t at least consider a friend.

So however Tony feels about what went down in Siberia, it’s not stopping him from traveling with Steve. Yet Tony was sleeping in a bed five feet away from Steve and the gap between them felt like a canyon that Steve didn’t know how to cross. It wasn’t that Tony couldn’t speak, he just didn’t want to. And Steve didn’t know how to help.

On one hand, Steve could relate - he wasn’t ready to talk about the fight with Thanos either.

But on the other, Tony’s consistent silence made Steve worried. Even though Siberia felt like a lifetime ago, it still felt a bit hypocritical for Steve to try to say _Please talk to me, you can tell me anything_.

The fact that Steve couldn’t get a read on Tony and couldn’t find it in himself to reach out to Tony made Steve’s heart hurt just a bit. He stops looking at Tony, turns off the bedside lamp, and eventually drifts off to sleep.

Steve’s dreams that night are tumultuous. He tosses and turns, but in the morning, he only remembers bits and pieces. The clanging sound of metal. Guns and weapons firing. Broken arrows and screams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter should be up Saturday!


	3. To Those We Left Behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two weeks on the road, and Tony still silent, Steve finally decides to reach out.

Their routine continued - ride for several hours, stop for food, find a motel to crash for the night. Repeat. They had been at this for two weeks. Navigating on the motorcycle meant that Steve didn’t have to have any thoughts _at all_ beyond following the motions of traffic when they came across it. And Tony was still perched behind him, arm around Steve’s waist, pressed against Steve’s back.

Deep down, a tiny part of Steve was relieved Tony was along for the ride if only because it was more motivation to pay attention and drive carefully; as much as the open road let Steve not think about what had happened, he still needed to be _somewhat_ aware as they zoomed down highways and past motorists. Tony shifting and bumping into Steve was a constant reminder that Steve was responsible for someone else's safety during this trip. It helped keep Steve's head out of the clouds.

Tony still hadn’t said anything to Steve. But Tony's silence meant that Steve hadn’t tried to make conversation either. Steve had zero trouble talking to Tony about their basic needs - _do you mind if we stop for the night, I need to pull over for a few minutes, I’m gonna grab a sandwich, would you like one too?_ \- but when it came to discussing their issues or even making small conversation, Steve couldn’t get himself to do it.

The weight of Tony’s silence was keeping Steve quiet too; Steve was worried that he’d scare Tony off by trying to really talk to him. Where was Tony’s head at? It was as if Steve was afraid to upset the apple cart, and at this point, he would rather have the silence than scare Tony away or make him angry. Right now, they had a peaceful co-existence. Steve enjoyed having Tony’s company again, even if they weren’t actually talking.

Occasionally, while they were in their motel room, Steve could swear he could see Tony staring at him out of the corner of his eye. They would be on their respective beds, Steve looking at a book or whatever magazine they could grab from the motel lobby, and on the edge of his vision, he would see Tony staring at him. Steve thought Tony was about to say something, but when Steve turned to look at Tony, Tony snapped his focus in another direction. It had happened a few times this week, and just further convinced Steve that Tony wasn’t ready to open up yet.

They checked in to their newest motel stop and went to the room. Going through their bags, they realized they were running low on supplies. Two weeks on the road had all but drained the small bottles of toiletries they had. Tony wrote out a list of supplies they needed. There was a small shopping center they passed close to the motel where they could get what they needed. Basic items like another tube of toothpaste and razors, followed by other things like a deck of cards, a couple of books. It was hard to pack so lightly, but with the two of them on Steve’s motorcycle, they couldn’t carry much.

While out shopping, Steve also picked up a prepaid smartphone. It had been almost two weeks since they fled the compound and Steve hadn’t been in touch with anyone there since they left. He saw that Tony had a phone, which he would occasionally check, and maybe send a short message every few days. Steve presumed it was probably Rhodey on the other end. But given that Tony still wasn’t even talking, Steve didn’t want to constantly ask Tony to send messages on his behalf. The prepaid smartphone Steve picked up would be perfect.

He had memorized the numbers of his friends that he had but felt a twinge of regret that he didn’t have a way to contact Bucky.

They returned to their motel room and Tony climbed into bed to take a nap. Steve pulled out the phone and typed the same message to Sam, Natasha, and Wanda.

_ < Hey, it’s Steve. Got a new phone. Hope you are all okay.   _

Sam replied first.

_ > Prove you’re Steve _

_ < Hello to you too, Sam. _

After a couple of minutes with no response, Steve typed again.

_ < How can I prove I’m me? _

_ > Can you take pictures with whatever ancient grandma phone you’re using right now? _

_ < Yes. It’s prepaid but it’s still a smartphone. _

Steve added on a few emojis to prove his point.

_ > Okay. Send a picture of yourself balancing something on your head so we know it’s you _

Steve rolled his eyes and looked around. He picked up an empty coffee mug from the table and placed it on his head, opened the camera, and put up a peace sign as he smiled for the photo. Tony turned over in his bed and gave Steve a confused and groggy look, but said nothing and dozed back off.

Looking at the picture, it occurred to Steve that he hadn’t done something silly like that in what felt like ages. It felt foreign. As if playing around was for a simpler time, a joy reserved for some other Steve. He sent the picture.

_ < Satisfied? _

He missed playing around with Sam like this. A few minutes later a response came.

_ > Adorable. Hi Steve. What have you been doing? Where are you? _

_ < Just driving. Right now we’re somewhere in Ohio. Maybe near the border with Kentucky, not sure. _

_ > how are you not sure? _

_ < No GPS. _

_ > Dont have one? what about this new fancy smartphone youre using now? _

Steve thought about it.

< _Don’t need the GPS, just riding._

_ > tony still with you? _

_ < yeah he’s still here _

_ > cant believe you two finally eloped _

_ < ha ha very funny _

A few minutes passed and Sam messaged him again.

_ > Seriously Steve _

_ > you know you can talk to me, right? I know you’re going through a lot and you know I used to work with recently returned vets _

_ > I’m just saying I’m here if you need me _

_ < Thanks. I know and I appreciate that _

His thoughts started to dwell on the battle and he started to feel woozy.

He types out his next message to Sam: _I’m not ready to talk about it_

But he doesn’t send it.

About fifteen minutes later he got another text, this time from Natasha.

_ > Are you boys okay? _

_ < Yeah we’re safe, riding around, getting by. _

_ > ‘Getting by’ doesn’t sound like okay _

_ < How are you guys doing? _

> _Bucky is back in Wakanda, resting & making sure the programming is gone. We’re doing okay too. Trying to get back to normal. You’re still kinda dodging my question though _

Steve was a little grateful that Natasha cut to the chase and brought up Bucky so he didn’t have to. Out of everyone they left behind, he felt the worst about running out without even talking to Bucky about it. No discussion or even a goodbye, but Steve’s panic at the moment made him rush out without saying anything.

Natasha sent another message before Steve could respond.

> _You know, if you need a place to go to clear your head, I’m sure T’Challa would have you both over if you just asked._

< _I know. We’re good for now._

_ > As good as you can be just riding around going nowhere for two weeks straight, right? _

A twinge went off in Steve’s stomach. While it was just a text, Steve could sense that Natasha sounded almost hurt. Steve sends Natasha another message.

< _I’m genuinely sorry we left without you, Nat._

Ten minutes later, his phone buzzed again. This time from Wanda.

> _Two weeks, Steve. We’ve been worried sick for two weeks_

_ < I’m really sorry, Wanda _

_ > At first we didn’t come after you because Rhodey said to give you both space but we thought you’d be back after a day or so _

_ > But then you didn’t come back _

_ > We had no idea where you were what is going on with you _

Steve made a mental note of that because he had figured Tony had been in touch with Rhodey all this time, but that didn’t seem to be the case.

_ < I’m sorry. I just needed to get away, clear my head _

_ > We miss you _

_ < I miss you all too. _

_ > When are you coming home? _

Steve didn’t know how to answer. He wasn’t even sure if there _was_ an answer. He was torn - he felt incredibly guilty for clearly hurting his friends with his sudden departure, but he also couldn’t even imagine going back to the compound. The thought of it made his head spin.

Not knowing what to do with himself, he put the phone on the nightstand and laid down in the bed. They had been traveling for two weeks with no set path or destination, but this was the first time that Steve actually felt a little lost.


	4. Breathe In, Breathe Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A big storm forces Steve and Tony off the road. Steve cries out. Tony speaks up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning: night terrors, description of violence

The forecast had only called for some clouds, so Steve and Tony headed out on the road again that morning. But after driving for only a few hours, the skies opened up. The rain was falling in sheets, visibility was low and Steve knew he had to get them off the road as soon as he could. They passed a sign indicating an exit to a hotel was about a mile away. Steve drove toward the hotel as Tony moved forward and completely pressed himself against Steve, squeezing both arms low around Steve’s waist. Steve took it as a sign to speed up as much as he could while still driving safely.

They arrived at the hotel, parked, and raced inside. Steve caught their reflection in a wall mirror in the lobby as they entered the building. His entire front was soaked through, but his back was mostly dry from where Tony covered it. On the other hand, Tony’s front was mostly fine, but when he turned to find something in his bag Steve saw how Tony’s shirt was soaked and clinging to his body. The front desk attendant recognized them, saw the soaked state they were in and handed over two towels before Steve could say hello or even ask for a room.

“The very least I could do for two of the men who brought me back from the beyond,” the attendant said.

The front desk attendant gave them a room on the top floor of the hotel, five floors up. It wasn’t a five-star place, but there were still some amenities - a gym, a small spa, and a pool - and it was still much nicer than the usual tiny roadside motels they’d been staying at for the past three weeks.

Once in the room, Steve showered and changed. It was only around 3 pm but the driving in the rain had worn him out so he laid down to take a nap. The hotel bed was much nicer than the usual ones and it was easy for Steve to drift off to sleep.

* * *

 

He woke up in a daze a couple of hours later to the sound of a muffled voice coming from the bathroom. Steve quietly got out of bed and walked over to the wall between the bathroom and the beds. He could hear Tony, on the phone most likely, speaking in a hushed voice. Steve could only make out part of what Tony was saying.

“. . . You just have to let this one go. Please. I’m not . . . bail you out . . . what would she think . . . GO HOME. Just let . . . take care of it. It’s bad enough already . . . Please. For me. . . thank you.”

It was surreal, hearing Tony’s voice again.

Tony’s conversation ended and Steve heard him move. Steve vaulted over Tony’s bed and bounced back into his own, pulling the covers over himself pretending to still be asleep. Steve heard the sound of the bathroom door opening and Tony walking over to his bed.

Steve pretended to be asleep for another five minutes and then sat up. When he did Tony tossed the room service menu to him and turned on the TV. An old sitcom was on. Steve had actually seen this episode before after Clint made him watch the series.

He recalled simpler times - before SHIELD fell and Ultron and Sokovia and the Accords and the snap - between missions and on days off or holidays, where they would all sit around in the tower and hang out. Clint would make Steve sit down and watch old shows from the 80’s and 90’s. _Cultural requirements, Cap. Gotta make up for lost time. Thank god for syndication,_ Clint had told him. Natasha would drag Tony and Bruce out of the lab, Steve would make some popcorn and Clint would order pizza and they would all squeeze in on couches and spent a few hours chatting between commercials and laughing.

Thinking about those days made Steve feel foreign in his own body like he was remembering another lifetime that ended long ago. Watching the same episode, that Steve in the tower was a totally different one than the Steve in this chilly Midwest hotel room.

The constant dull ache he had been carrying around in his chest this entire trip expanded. He would give anything to have those days back.

The storm intensified while they ate dinner and continued to worsen as the night went on. On the top floor of the hotel, they had a clear view of the lightning show occurring across the sky.

The roaring thunder made Steve uneasy. Unwilling to sit with his thoughts any longer, Steve decided to call it a night.

Steve fell asleep, but the sounds of the storm outside resonated in his subconscious.

_He was back on the battlefield, where they had confronted Thanos. Steve was on the ground, scrambling backward, watching his shield get torn in half. Hearing the metal clang as the pieces of torn vibranium hit the ground. Steve looked at the jagged edge of his shield; he was defenseless, a sitting duck like this. He scrambled to get up and when he looked up Thanos was swinging a jagged metal pole from the collapsed building behind him. Steve watched as the serrated edge was swinging down toward his chest. Thor screamed his name and Steve felt a shove from his left. The pole went straight through Thor’s left side. Thor crumpled over, his blood starting to pool at Steve’s feet. Steve could hear a scream - his own._

Steve woke himself up screaming and crying, shot up in bed trembling and found a hand on his shoulder and another on his chest.

“Steve, Steve, it’s me, I’ve got you,” Tony whispered. “I’m here.”

Steve was still shaking. Tony climbed into Steve’s bed and put his arms around Steve. Steve buried his face into Tony’s chest.

Choking through tears and short, trembling breaths, Steve said, “I dreamt - the battle - we lost them - again.”

“It’s okay. I’m here. I’ve got you. You’re safe. Just breathe. Deep, slow breaths.” Tony started deep breathing and Steve followed along. Tony carded his fingers through Steve’s hair. The touch helped comfort Steve as he continued to cry into Tony’s chest. Steve kept slowly breathing. He just cried into Tony’s chest for a while, as Tony held him. He had no idea how long they stayed that way.

* * *

 

Steve woke up to the sound of rain still pelting against the hotel window. Despite just waking up, he was exhausted. He felt a weight against him and glanced over to see Tony in bed with him, asleep on his stomach and arm draped over Steve’s chest.

Steve took slow breaths. The only light he could see was the glow of the clock over Tony’s shoulder. 4:45 AM. He enjoyed the contrast between the coolness of the room and the warmth coming from Tony. The nice, familiar smell of Tony’s shampoo coming from Tony’s head which almost rested on Steve’s shoulder. The firm but sinking give of the hotel mattress beneath them. The sound of the rain falling outside. All of these sensations let Steve experience true peace and quiet.

He was too exhausted to really process what had happened that night. All he knew was that lying in bed with Tony in a dark, quiet hotel room in his groggy state listening to the rain fall outside was the calmest and most secure Steve had felt in years. With weather like this, they weren’t going anywhere, so Steve drifted off back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About the Avengers' TV time:
> 
> \- Clint adores all the family sitcoms from the 80s and 90s and you can't change my mind.  
> \- Natasha and Tony both love 90s teen dramas although she will never admit it.  
> \- Steve actually LOVES watching old game show episodes. Maybe it's seeing how the price and style of household goods have changed over the decades he missed. Or maybe there's something so satisfying about watching a contestant flip out over the ugliest living room set you've ever seen in your life.  
> \- When Maria and Fury are at the Tower they sometimes watch house renovation and design shows. HouseHunters drives Bruce up a wall. "Tony, they have five kids. Why would they choose such a tiny cottage? And no grass in the yard? Where's the dog supposed to hang out?"  
> \- Thor can take or leave TV. He just likes spending time with the other Avengers. However, what he IS obsessed with is 80's and 90's pop music (absolutely Maria's fault). Tony makes a playlist for their rides on the QuinJet. Steve never saw himself as a guy who would know the entire Spice Girls discography, but here we are.


	5. Night and Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reflecting, Steve had always had trouble sleeping. He thought about the countless late hours he spent boxing in the training room because going to bed would be pointless. How many late nights did he have with thoughts racing about mistakes he made, regrets for the life he missed out on by going into the ice, or things he should have said? But with the serum, the lack of sleep didn’t affect him as it might someone else. He had just learned to live with the gnawing 2 AM thoughts and to appreciate the value of a cup of coffee in the morning.
> 
> But this nightmare he had was different. It had felt so real like he was actually back at the battle against Thanos. He tried not to think about how sick and upset he felt after waking up from the nightmare, and that it only took one dream to work himself up so much. He hated the idea of being forced to replay what had happened; it felt like being betrayed by his own brain.

When he awoke again, he was alone. Steve’s quick spike of panic to not see Tony there subsided when he saw Tony’s bag and some clothes still tossed on the bed across the room.

There was a note on the nightstand: _Went to check out the hotel spa. Order food without me if you’re hungry. Be back soon. - Tony_

The clock read 11:23 AM; it was unusual for Steve to sleep in so late. He got up and opened the blinds and saw it was still pouring outside, so he returned to the edge of his bed. As he sat there alone, the memory of the nightmare the night before and waking up to Tony comforting him returned to him.

Reflecting, Steve had always had trouble sleeping. He thought about the countless late hours he spent boxing in the training room because going to bed would be pointless. How many late nights did he have with thoughts racing about mistakes he made, regrets for the life he missed out on by going into the ice, or things he should have said? But with the serum, the lack of sleep didn’t affect him as it might someone else. He had just learned to live with the gnawing 2 AM thoughts and to appreciate the value of a cup of coffee in the morning.

But this nightmare he had was different. It had felt so real like he was actually back at the battle against Thanos. He tried not to think about how sick and upset he felt after waking up from the nightmare, and that it only took one dream to work himself up so much. He hated the idea of being forced to replay what had happened; it felt like being betrayed by his own brain.

But it was also hard not to contrast that awful feeling to how he felt after being comforted and cuddling with Tony. It was like night and day; the awful panic of waking up, and then Tony was guiding his breathing, holding Steve close, staying with him all night.

Tony made Steve feel safe. Steve never let someone be so delicate with him like that before. Even when he was a kid, when he was always picking fights with bullies twice his size, he didn’t like it when Bucky or his mother would hover over him. He was so used to trying to stand up for himself and protect others it never really set in how lonely it could be trying to stand on your own. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust his friends to have his back, he just hated to put them in a situation where that was necessary, where he was the one that needed to be saved. But the way Tony had spoken to him last night - comforting, without judgment, and in a very matter-of-fact way only made him feel better.

And then there was the biggest thing - that Tony had actually spoken to him _at all_. Tony’s first words to him in weeks were words of comfort. That mattered a lot to Steve, who had been worrying about how Tony felt about him given the man had been so quiet for the duration of their trip.

But Steve wasn’t sure what to expect when Tony returned. Would Tony want to talk about the night before? At this point, Steve felt pretty vulnerable and wasn’t sure he wanted to talk about the nightmare.

When Tony returned about an hour later, with two sandwiches in tow, he didn’t say anything to Steve. He just handed over the sandwich, sat on his bed and turned the TV on to some soap opera. Steve found himself a bit disappointed; even if he didn’t want to talk about the nightmare, he still missed talking with Tony.

Their hotel room had matching mirrors across from each bed bookending the television in the middle. Steve avoided looking at Tony directly, choosing instead to look at Tony's reflection in the mirror across from his bed. Steve stared for a while, studying Tony’s face trying to make sense of the past few weeks. Tony had switched the station to a baseball game, but after some time, he noticed that Tony wasn’t staring at the TV - Tony’s gaze was looking a little more to the left, and into the mirror across from Steve’s bed.

Realizing he was being studied too, Steve quickly tried to make it appear he was doing something else. He picked up his phone and began to play with it. He hadn’t seen it earlier, but he had received a text from Sam the day before.

> _Nat Rhodey and I are investigating something out near Chicago. Just wanted to give you a heads up_

After almost two years on the run together, Steve and the others had made a habit of always leaving a note or message when they were breaking off from the group, in case they got captured or arrested. Steve wondered if this was just instinct for Sam to send this message or if Sam was trying to gauge whether Steve was either in the area or interested in coming along.

Steve knew he couldn’t join them (They were a few hundred miles from Chicago at a hotel near an airport outside of Topeka; Steve had no gear and no weather-appropriate mode of transportation), but even if Steve had been closer, he didn’t think he would want to go. Thinking about putting the uniform on made him reminded him about the battle again; if he was honest with himself, Steve wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to suit up again.

He didn’t respond to Sam’s message but instead tried to follow along with whatever movie Tony had turned to once the game was over. But he was having trouble focusing.

Either he was missing the road or just tired of being stuck in the hotel room, but Steve was starting to get antsy. But the bad weather persisted. And when Steve decided to call it a night early, the nightmares persisted too.

This time, Steve dreamt of the first battle against Thanos, the one they lost in Wakanda.

_Wanda was finally destroying the Mind Stone, but Thanos had arrived and was approaching her. Thanos was tossing everyone aside. Steve slid down in front of Thanos, striking his legs, trying everything he could to stop him. Steve finally reached up with his bare hands and grabbed Thanos’ left hand, with the gauntlet, trying desperately to stop him, to see Thanos raise his right fist and strike Steve on the side of the head. Steve felt himself crumple over._

Steve jumped up, in a cold sweat and shaking with the ghost of the pain on his left temple, thinking they had lost again and braced for people to begin to turn to ash. He chucked the comforter off himself and curled his knees up to his chest, tucking in his head. He felt a little dizzy, and he was breathing heavily.

The sudden shuffling woke up Tony, who propped himself up on an elbow and looked over at Steve’s side of the room. Upon seeing Steve, Tony snapped up to attention and got out of bed. Tony put his arm around Steve’s shoulders.

“Hey, it’s just a dream. You’re awake now. I’m here.” Tony made sure to give Steve space but still kept physical contact. For about the next fifteen minutes Tony talked Steve through breathing exercises as Steve slowly began to calm down. He uncurled from the ball he was in as Tony handed him a tissue. At some point, Steve had started crying without noticing it.

“My head hurts a little.”

“Do you wanna get out of the room for a bit?”

“Yeah, but go where? It’s still pouring out, and it’s almost midnight.”

“I’ve got an idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! This and the next chapter were originally together but it was way too long. Good news, the next chapter will be up Sunday!


	6. Taking A Dip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After another night of bad dreams, Tony finds a distraction. Steve finds some insight.

Tony got up and started shuffling through his bag. 

“The hotel pool is still open. C’mon. Get changed.”

“What? The pool? Oh, I don’t - I don’t know - ”

“Listen - it should be pretty peaceful down there, and swimming will be refreshing. It’ll either make you relax or tire you out. And it’s somewhere that’s not the four walls of this room. Let’s go.” Tony pulled a clean tank and shorts from his bags and went into the bathroom. 

Tony had a point - at least the pool would be a change in scenery. Steve got up and turned on the bedside lamp. 

He started looking through his things. In Steve’s frantic packing back at the compound, he hadn’t paid attention to what he stuffed into his bag. Among the random assortment of clothes he grabbed was a dress shirt (but no slacks or dress shoes), a sweater and sweatshirt (it was the beginning of summer, in the middle of America) and only one slipper. While he didn’t bring swim trunks, he did have a pair of gym shorts, so he put those on with a fresh shirt. Tony came out of the bathroom changed carrying two towels.

They went down to the ground floor. The pool was in the back of the hotel, past a small ballroom. As they walked down the hallway, a young couple opened the door from the pool and walked right past Steve and Tony without noticing them. 

Tony opened the door, and Steve walked in behind him, the strong scent of chlorine hitting them instantly. The pool room had a high glass ceiling, two floors up, that came out from where it was attached to the rest of the building and curved over the pool and down to the ground, creating the outer glass wall. Steve could see water running down the glass pains from the continuing rain. The only light in the room came from the cool blue glow of the lit rectangular pool itself. The pool had three steps leading into the shallow end close to a row of lounge chairs on the stone surrounding the pool. They were the only two people in the room. 

Tony walked over and threw the two towels over some of the chairs and then turned to the pool, climbing in quietly in the shallow end. He began swimming laps around the pool. Steve walked over to the stairs leading in the pool and stepped down them. He stopped at the second from the bottom one and sat down, the water cool and coming up to his chest. 

The only thing to do besides swimming was to watch Tony go around the pool. Steve had to admit - Tony was right about the pool being relaxing. Even if he wasn’t doing laps around the pool itself, the water was the perfect temperature to be refreshing but not too cold, and the splashing sounds echoing throughout the room made for nice white noise. 

Steve closed his eyes, just taking in how lovely it all was. He focused on thinking about the water in the pool and how it reflected the glowing lights to help clear his head. He sat like that for a few minutes when he felt a light splash on his face. He opened his eyes to see Tony about a foot and a half away from him.

“Odd place to doze off but I guess I’ve passed out in weirder spots.” 

Steve chuckled lightly and replied, “Not sleeping. Just zoning out I guess.” 

Tony took Steve’s hand and pulled him further into the pool. Tony went to the edge of the pool at a depth where they could comfortably stand and lean on the stone surrounding the pool edge. Steve ducked his head underwater, popped up and swam over next to Tony. He crossed his arms on the stone and laid his chin on his hands, head tilted toward Tony. 

They stood there for a moment in silence, which Tony finally decided to break. 

Tony was staring ahead as he started talking. “You know after New York I started having dreams. Of the wormhole, and the Chitauri. All of it. Every night. And then after Wanda got in our heads, well you saw what happened. That was panic, Steve - trying my hardest to fight back against what I saw in my sleep.”

He turned to look at Steve and continued, “I’m glad to protect the world. But it wears on you. This job, what we do. To fight to save everything and expect us to come back with a smile and nothing wrong is just absurd.” Tony paused. “I guess what I’m saying is that it’s okay if you’re struggling to deal with all of this. Not okay as in good, but it’s - it’s understandable. And it doesn’t have any bearing on how strong or brave or capable you are as a person. We’ve all been through a lot. I’m sorry you’re having these dreams. But I wanted you to know I’ve been there, and I’m here for you now. Anything you need, you let me know.” Tony put his hand on Steve’s back and patted him. Steve felt warmth fill his chest.

“Thanks, Tony. That means a lot.” Tony gave Steve a small smile. 

“How -” Steve started but cut himself short. 

“How what? What’s on your mind?” Tony asked. There are a million questions Steve could ask, but this is the most Tony’s opened up in weeks, so Steve decided to stay on topic. 

“How did you deal with the dreams?” 

“Well I wouldn’t do what I did - although spending millions on designing different Iron Man suits just to destroy them all doesn’t seem like your kind of thing,” Tony said, making Steve laugh. 

Tony continued, “But seriously. Different things work for different people when working through something traumatic. Some go seek therapy - frankly not the worst idea, for all of us; some people go on medication, or self medicate; others try meditating, or creating art, or throwing themselves into work.” 

“And others go on long road trips with no itinerary, right?” 

Tony laughed at that. “Sure, I guess they do.” He paused. “Steve, you know there’s no shame in needed to take some time for yourself, right? We’ve been through some horrific things, and you shouldn’t hesitate to take all the time you need.” 

Steve hesitated to respond but said, “What if feels like I’ll never be ready to go back?” 

“Then we keep on riding. Simple as that.” 

Steve stood there, stunned. Tony, possibly not realizing what he had just said, continued. “For what it's worth traveling around isn’t going to make you happy again one day instantly. You find happiness in moments of joy, or in the people you love. It’s not a destination you magically reach. But traveling around this great big land of ours might inspire you to figure out what happiness means after losing so much. So however long you need, I’ll be right beside you.” 

Steve felt so overwhelmed by everything Tony had said, and he realized he was blushing. Steve stood there in silence, not knowing how to process the honesty in everything they just said. 

Steve being overwhelmed must have been apparent to Tony, who decided to diffuse the heaviness of the moment. He said, “And well, if I wasn’t here on this trip with you, I couldn’t do this right now” as he cupped his hand and moved it through the pool, splashing Steve. Steve snapped out of it, and they exchanged a smile and a laugh. 

Steve started to slowly back away from Tony. The pool had a slow decline into the deep end. Steve kept his feet touching the bottom of the pool and tiptoed to the point in the middle of the pool where the water was almost over his chin. 

“Hey Tony, come here.”

Tony raised an eyebrow and moved closer to Steve.

The point Steve chose was just shallow enough for him to touch the bottom still. On the other hand, for someone a few inches shorter like Tony, it was just deep enough where he had to float. Steve was smiling as Tony approached.

Tony, knowing something was up, approached with pretend apprehension. “So, uh, what’s up Ste-” 

He was cut off by Steve scooping him up in his arms, bridal style, before Steve jumped up and tossed Tony backward over his head, suplexing him into the deeper end of the pool with a loud splash. 

Steve turned around sheepishly to see Tony pop back up above the water. Tony shook his head to shake off some water while laughing.

“Oh, is that how it is?” 

Steve laughed. “Yeah, that’s how it is.” 

Tony, smiling wide, pounced on Steve and knocked them both underwater. The two took turns wrestling and dunking the other, laughing the entire time. This went on for over ten minutes when Steve popped up from underwater a little too quickly almost bumping heads with Tony. Tony caught Steve by the shoulders a few inches before they slammed into each other. 

“Oh, oops. Sorry,” Steve apologized.

“Ha, it’s okay.” Tony was still holding onto Steve. Tony examined Steve’s face for a moment, bit his lower lip slightly, and let go of Steve. Tony dunked himself under the water and popped back up. 

“Do you think we should get out soon?” Tony asked.

“Yeah, we should start heading back. It’s getting pretty late.”

They got out of the pool and sat on the lounge chairs for a few minutes to try to dry off before walking about through the lobby to get to their room. Once in the elevator, Steve looked at Tony and said, “Thank you. For tonight. And for everything. You’ve given me a lot to think about.” 

“Of course, Steve. Remember - anything you need, and I’m here.” 

When they got back to the room, they each briefly showered to wash the chlorine off. Tony first, and then Steve. When Steve exited the bathroom, he saw that Tony was still sitting up. Steve looked over at his bed on the further side of the room, but remembering the bad dreams hesitated to return to it. 

Tony watched Steve and after a moment said, “you can stay with me tonight if you want.”

Steve breathed a sigh of relief. “Yeah, thanks.” Tony lifted the comforter and made room for Steve, who slowly slid under the cover. Steve tried to take up as little space as possible, but Tony pulled him over so that Steve was on his stomach resting against Tony’s chest.

Steve couldn’t reconcile the Tony that wouldn’t say a word during the day for the first few weeks of their trip, and this Tony at night, so patient and kind and caring. What was Tony’s reason for joining him on this trip? What was he running from? He wanted to get a glimpse at Tony’s thoughts so badly, but between the emotional exhaustion from the dreams, the physical toll from swimming and playing around and how much Steve enjoyed being this close with Tony, he didn’t want to make things more complicated by trying to pick Tony’s brain. At least not tonight.

With his head on Tony’s chest, he felt Tony’s heartbeat and breathing slow as they both drifted off to sleep. 


	7. Third Wheel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An accident on the road puts Steve and Tony in danger. Tony acts fast. Steve freezes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning: Car accident, fire

_Steve was knocked out, but only for a moment. He came to from the clanging sound of Thor’s ax hitting the ground; he got up, rubbing his head and walked over to Thor, who was standing with his ax at his feet. Thanos was nowhere to be found. Thor looked stunned._

_“Thor, where’d he go?” Steve asked. Thor couldn’t answer._

_From behind him, Bucky called out, “Steve?” He turned around in time to see Bucky half turned to ash dropping to the ground. He began to hear screams in the distance. He heard Rhodey call for Sam with no response. Steve felt his chest tighten as he walked to the pile of ash where Bucky stood and dropped to his knees._

Once the nightmares started, they were almost a nightly occurrence. A new part was added to their routine - Steve would wake up crying or screaming, Tony would hold him and make him do slow breathing exercises until Steve stopped shaking, and Tony would climb into bed with him, and they would fall asleep. Steve wouldn’t have any nightmares once he was next to Tony.

The nightmare he had had the night before was a new one, reliving the moment when Thanos got away, and everyone started turning into ash. Steve woke up quietly in tears imagining losing again and watching helplessly as his friends drifted away. He had been quiet, but this time he got out of bed and woke Tony up seeking comfort. Tony lifted the comforter to let Steve in without asking what had happened.

Thinking about it now, Steve was a little embarrassed. He felt like a little kid who needed to run to mom or dad to check for monsters under the bed.

It certainly wasn’t the sleeping arrangements that bothered him - years of being in the army and traveling with the Avengers made him accustomed to sleeping wherever he could next to whoever happened to be there.

The growing dependency on Tony scared him a little. Since their stay at the hotel, Tony had started being more interactive with the people they encountered. Ordering food, requesting rooms and handling their other basic needs as well - Tony had quickly taken charge of all the things Steve did at the beginning of their trip. Between comforting him and taking care of the basic stuff, it was clear that Tony was doing whatever he could to take care of Steve. Usually, Steve would have insisted that he could take care of himself. But he appreciated Tony’s help, and he had to admit it was nice to have someone care for him. Still, he didn’t want to get too accustomed to it.

They had left the hotel a week prior, once the weather cleared. It was refreshing to be on the move again. Steve felt the warmth of the mid-June sun warm his shoulders. The sky was clear and the road ahead of them empty, so it was easy for Steve’s thoughts to drift.

Tony’s words from their talk in the pool still rang in Steve’s head.

_Then we keep on riding. Simple as that._

Steve was touched that Tony was indulging him by his willingness to extend their journey for as long as Steve needed. But that same gesture also put pressure on Steve, even if Tony didn’t intend it to do so. By acknowledging that he was willing to travel with Steve as long as Steve needed, the onus was now on Steve to determine how long this trip was going to last.

The challenge was that as a trip with no itinerary and no destination, the primary purpose of the trip was to get away from the Avengers Compound because Steve couldn’t stand to be there amongst the memories of who they had lost.

But was there ever going to be a way to get that out of his system? The loss of Bruce, Thor, and Clint was permanent - no amount of running was going to change that. And Steve, all too familiar with grief, knew that while the pain of grief dulls over time, it never truly goes away. Five or ten years from now, he could find one of Clint’s sweaters or remember a joke Thor told him and feel the pain of their loss all over again. If this was going to be a permanent fixture in his life, a scar on his heart that would never really fade away, what was the point in running? What was he trying to escape from, if not his grief?

Steve also had another concern - that the longer he and Tony traveled together, the more chance there was something would come along and make them fight. As more talkative Tony had been with the people they encountered, and as comforting as he was when Steve woke up from a nightmare, Tony still wasn’t really chatting with Steve during the day. There was still so much unresolved history between them, and the longer they were on the road together, the more Steve feared their complicated past would rear its ugly head. A problematic relationship which in turn made his reliance on Tony for comfort even more delicate.

According to the road signs, the road they were on was leading to a major interstate, and soon the empty highway they were on became more and more crowded from vehicles merging onto the road from passing exits.

Steve passed by an orange pickup truck and a grey BMW. Steve moved a lane over to get some space from a Prius driven by a woman talking on her phone. A black SUV, a blue sedan and a red coupe were now in front of him. Steve could feel Tony tense up a bit behind him.

The Prius swerved a little as the distracted woman was looking away from the road. Steve moved over to the outermost lane behind the black SUV to steer clear of her. He kept looking over his shoulder to see what she was doing.

“ _STEVE_ ,” Tony shouted suddenly, and Steve looked forward.

The black SUV in front of them started swerving erratically, causing the two other cars in front of Steve and Tony to hit each other. The SUV turned and flew over the concrete divider, flipping and rolling several times before landing trunk side down. Flames started appearing under the front hood.

As the SUV was crashing, Steve had swerved off the road to avoid the collision. He could feel Tony move one arm from off his waist as he began to lose control of the motorcycle going down the small embankment off the side of the road that led to a patch of trees, hearing the crunch of the accident unfolding behind them. Steve saw a glimpse of red and gold forming around Tony’s arm that was still holding onto Steve’s waist. About to crash headfirst into the trees, Steve felt the bike stop and lift off the ground as Tony, in the now fully formed Iron Man suit, used his thruster to stop their momentum into the trees. Tony carried both Steve and the motorcycle a bit closer to the road and set both down. Steve landed with a soft thud on the patchy grass.

Tony flew back toward the road. Steve followed up the small incline of the embankment to look at the scene. The coupe and sedan had crashed into each other, and the Prius had rear-ended the sedan. The black SUV was flipped over and on fire across the divider.

Deep down, Steve wanted to run up to the road and help. But between the shock of the crash, the sights and sounds of the wreckage, and unexpectedly seeing the Iron Man suit again, Steve was frozen in place on his knees in the dirt.

Tony flew over the divider and shot a beam into the metal of the twisted, burning frame, ripped the door off and tossed it aside with a loud bang. Steve jumped at the sound. Tony reached in and pulled out the driver, an unconscious woman, and gingerly carried her away from the wrecked car, placing her near a group of people, including the drivers of the coupe, sedan and Prius were further down the road where a woman had waved Tony over. The woman started examining the driver once Tony placed her down and turned back to the car to check for anyone else.

Out of Steve’s view, once the driver was out of the way, Tony could see a young boy in the back, previously inaccessible and still in his car seat, now the bottom of the wreckage. He quickly cut away more parts of the car and pulled out the awake but terrified small boy. The little boy clung to the Iron Man armor as Tony flew away from the burning wreckage. Tony landed a little away from the boy’s mother as she was being looked at. Steve watched in the distance as Tony’s helmet melted away and Tony held the crying boy in his arms.

Police and ambulance sirens could be heard approaching in the distance. A small fireball burst from the wreckage sending some debris in the air as the flames spread over the entire car.

Steve was still sat frozen in the patch of grass where Tony left him when Tony handed the boy over to the paramedics and returned to Steve, the suit going away as Tony landed next to Steve.

Tony studied Steve, looked him up and down and turned and walked back to the crowd of people. After talking with them, one man motioned Tony over to his car, an orange pickup with an empty trailer attached to it. Steve saw Tony point down the road.

Traffic eventually began to clear up as police helped clear the road of debris while the fire department put out the flames. The whole time, Steve remained on the ground, watching, unable to say anything.

Eventually, the man with the pickup truck pulled over, and Tony put back on the Iron Man suit to move the motorcycle onto the man’s trailer. Steve once again winced at seeing the suit. Once the bike was secure, Tony took off the suit and walked back over to Steve, extending a hand to help him stand up. Steve took it and got up, his knees wobbling.

Tony walked him over to the truck, and they both got in, Tony in between Steve and the driver.

“Hi, name’s Ernie.” The driver extended a hand across Tony to Steve. Steve shook it and introduced himself.

Tony turned to Ernie. “Thanks again for the lift. As I said, I’m not sure if there’s some problem with the bike, but I’d rather wait at a motel for a mechanic than by an accident scene. And especially since it’s getting a little late.”

“Oh, you’re welcome. It’s a pleasure to help you out after everything y’all have done for us.” Ernie paused and started up the truck and began to drive. “My wife, my brother and my niece had all gone, you know, when everyone disappeared. Heartbroken, my ma was. My niece, she’s twelve, and she’s an honor student, loves science and building robots…”

“Hey, that’s how I spent most of my time as a kid.”

Ernie and Tony continued to chat, but Steve was so silent he could have sworn the other two men forgot he was there. He just stared down the road ahead of them.

“That was awful, that accident back there,” Ernie said.

“Yeah, I heard the responders saying something about a seizure, made her lose control of the car. I’m just glad I was able to get that kid out, poor little guy.”

“Was the kid hurt?”

“I scanned him quickly, and I couldn’t detect any broken bones or anything like that, but they still took him to the hospital to be safe.”

“Lucky you were there to pull him out. You know, if you don't mind me asking, what brings you two all the way out here? A pretty long way from New York.”

“Oh, we just needed a change of scenery. Spent a lot of time back at the compound trying to prepare for our, uh, confrontation.”

This is how chatty Tony used to be with everyone they met; charming, kind, and could connect with anybody. Based on how he was chatting it up now, someone would have no idea that it was more than he’d said than in the past few weeks combined.

After about 15 minutes, Steve saw the neon motel sign coming up ahead. Ernie pulled into the parking lot, and Tony helped him unload the motorcycle from the trailer. Tony shook his hand.

“Let your brother know to keep an eye out for a package in the mail. And tell your niece I genuinely want to know her thoughts on that tablet I’m sending her. I’ll include an email where they can reach me.”

Steve could only muster out a small wave and a “thanks for the ride.” Ernie took off.

Tony turned around, leaving Steve standing in the parking lot, went into the motel lobby and came back a few minutes later with a key. He walked by Steve, picked up their bags and walked to a room eight doors down from the lobby. Tony used the key and entered the room, leaving the door open.

Steve was reeling; he was genuinely shocked that Tony had had the suit this entire time. And he couldn’t understand why, but as relieved as he was to know the mother and child were going to be okay, it was incredibly upsetting seeing the Iron Man suit. It felt like some uninvited guest along their trip, a stowaway that Steve never wanted. Steve could feel himself getting angrier, and he wasn’t sure why.

Steve marched to the motel room and slammed the door shut. Tony jumped and turned around.

“What the hell, Steve-”

Steve couldn’t stop himself from yelling.

_“Why the hell didn’t you tell me you brought the suit?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This and the next chapters are all going to be a bit longer than the previous ones. 
> 
> Reminder - this is part of a series. So where this story ends, the next one will pick up.


	8. The Truth Could Set Us Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Tony have been dancing around avoiding their difficult past together.
> 
> Steve decides he can't take it any longer.

Tony looked confused like he couldn’t process Steve’s question.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“The Iron Man suit - you’ve had it with you this whole damn time and you didn’t tell me?!”

“Are you serious? Are you actually serious with this right now?” Tony huffed and crossed his arms.

"Why would you bring the suit? Were you planning on going off on a mission at some point?”

Tony actually laughed and looked away from Steve, as if he was trying to find someone else to acknowledge the absurdity of Steve’s question.

“You think this is funny? You don’t think having the suit is something I should have known about?”

“Come on Steve, don’t tell me you’re that naive.”

“You’ve been carrying around a weaponized suit of armor this whole trip and I shouldn’t have known that?”

“Why  _ wouldn’t  _ I bring the suit, Steve? No, we’re not going on missions but I’m still me and you’re still you and we’ve both pissed a lot of people off in our lifetimes and we’ve been traveling uncovered on a motorcycle going god knows where and I’m NOT supposed to bring some kind of protection?”

It made sense, but Steve was so wound up that he couldn’t help himself. Between the anxiety about where he stood with Tony becoming more and more oppressive and the adrenaline from the events of the day, and the panic Steve had at seeing the Iron Man suit, Steve was pent up and needed to release it all. 

“But why wouldn’t you tell me you had it? It always feels like when it comes to the suits you never want to tell me anything.” 

Tony’s jaw dropped at hearing that. “Why don’t  _ I  _ tell  _ you _ anything? I -” Tony cut himself off, shut his eyes and took a few deep breaths. He opened his eyes and asked calmly, “Why are you trying to start a fight with me?” 

Tony was onto him. “I’m not trying to “start” anything, you’re the one who always starts trouble by not telling me shit.” 

Tony closed his eyes and took a breath again. Steve knew he was starting to get under Tony’s skin but for now Tony wasn’t giving Steve the satisfaction of lashing out back. 

“You know what, I’m not doing this with you,” Tony turned away from Steve and quietly said “Today was very stressful and you’re just upset. I know what you’re trying to do, Steve. Just back off.”

Tony was right, that Steve was trying to rile him up, but Steve had been legitimately caught off guard seeing the suit and being told to back off hurt just a bit.

“I still think it’s incredible that you wouldn’t disclose something like that. How am I supposed to trust you if you’re not honest with me?”

A brief flash of aggravation went over Tony’s face as he clenched his fist. But instead of yelling, Tony took another deep breath and folded his arms. Tony quietly said, “I know that you know you’re a master button pusher. But you’re also very fucking transparent. Cut the bullshit. What is this really about?”

It was clear Steve’s attempts to goad Tony into an argument weren’t going to work. Instead, Steve felt exposed, confused as to how Tony’s calm demeanor managed to knock down the walls Steve had hoped to put up.

Trying to hold everything inside was exhausting, and Steve couldn’t do it anymore.

“You don’t talk to me,” Steve said softly. Tony gave him a look. “I - I don’t mean in a sneaky way. You just don’t say anything. We travel all day and when we stop at night I could swear sometimes that I’m the only one in the room. But then I have bad dreams and you’re so kind and caring and talking me down. And then the sun comes up and that Tony goes away. I don’t get it.”

“What do you want from me?”

“Something - anything.”

“See, that’s the thing. I don’t know what to do with you, Steve. That’s why I haven’t been talking. I’ve been afraid of this, this right here what you’re doing right now. Trying to pick a fight with me. It sometimes feels like I can never do right by you. If you’re just going to have a problem with what I say why say anything?”

While Steve had been trying to put his defenses up, Tony had had them up the entire trip. Tony saw right through Steve, but hearing Tony talk now made Steve think he was starting to see a small crack in Tony’s walls. He kept pushing.

“Tell me how you really feel, Tony. Come on.”

“Why does it matter, how I feel? Aren’t I here with you now? Shouldn’t that be enough?”

“No, Tony. It’s not. We can’t ignore the elephant in the room forever. I can’t take it anymore. I need to know. What do you think of me?”

Steve moved over so that he was standing between Tony and the door leading outside. Tony didn’t respond.

“How did it feel to have the Avengers split up?” Tony still said nothing. Steve took a step closer to Tony. 

“How did you feel sitting in the Compound alone without us?” Tony was silent. Steve stepped up and got right in Tony’s face. 

“How did it make you feel when I slammed my shield into your chest and left you on that cold icy bunker floor?” 

“You broke my heart, Steve. How else am I supposed to feel?” Tony said loudly. It was not the answer Steve had been expecting. 

“What?” 

Tony continued in a quieter tone. “You had the  _ audacity _ to chastise me for not telling you about Ultron when you couldn’t have the fucking decency to tell me about my parents. Then you couldn't trust me to help you out in Germany. You put the lives of our whole team in danger. You lied to me and you ran away for two years. Two fucking years, Steve. You broke my heart and for two fucking years, I lived in fear that you were going to get arrested or captured or killed and there was nothing I could do about it. 

So why talk? After two years away and seeing how messed up you’ve been, I had no idea what Steve I was going to get. I didn’t want to start a fight, so it was easier just to keep my mouth shut. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“Why come with me if you hate me so much?”

Tony shook his head. “Don't you get it? I don’t hate you. I never did. And as angry as I was, I’ve already let all of that go.”

“How -”

Tony began to speak like a dam bursting, unable to stop once he started. 

“I was  _ so _ convinced he was going to kill you all. I saw it, when Wanda gave us those visions. Your shield ripped in two and you pulled me in asking why I didn’t do more to save you and then you died. I saw all five of you dead and ever since then it felt like I was never doing enough. And I tried. But somehow I failed to convince all of you what was coming. 

And then we lost to Thanos the first time and the snap happened and I thought that was it, I was stranded in space and he had killed you all. But then I was brought back and somehow - somehow defying the odds all six of us were still alive.

Steve, I’m here because I watched you almost die. In our second battle, I saw you on the ground. I saw Thanos rip your shield and raise that pole and I could have sworn that I was about to watch you die and that I was going to lose you again for good this time.

But then you didn’t die. Thanos was dead and Carol had to drag you onto the ship but you were still breathing. That was all that I cared about. All that anger and hurt didn’t matter anymore; even if I still wanted to be mad, I couldn’t. 

And then three weeks later, Natasha comes running up to me, scared that you’re packing a bag and frantically trying to leave. And I had no idea what to think - was this going to be for a couple days? Another two years? Were you going to hurt yourself out there and we would never see you again? I couldn’t risk losing you again.

And listen, I understand how you felt about the Accords and I get that you believed - and to an extent you were - doing the right thing in Germany knowing your friend was innocent and thinking you had to stop something much worse from happening. So If you’re looking for me to yell and scream and want me to make you feel bad so you can continue to beat yourself up about everything that’s happened, I’m sorry, but you’re not getting that from me. I’ve already made peace with it.”

Steve was silent. Tony’s last comment cut right through him. Steve had been on edge waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Tony to dump all the anger over Siberia onto him. He had envisioned this conversation many times since he had walked out of the bunker. He never realized how heavy his guilt had been getting until just now; Tony’s willingness to let it all go was almost like permission for Steve to drop the weight he had been carrying around on his back for over two years.

They were both quiet for a moment, and unable to keep eye contact. 

Steve looked back to Tony and finally broke the silence.

“You said we would just keep on riding if I didn’t want to go back.”

“Yeah.”

“Had I not forced this issue, would you just ride around with me forever, willing to say nothing? Ever?” 

“Yeah, I guess.”

“But why? How could you possibly live like that?”

“I just needed to know I wasn’t going to lose you again. If all I had was feeling your heartbeat as I rode on the back of your bike, just to know you were still alive, then so be it.”

The moment the words left Tony’s lips, he recoiled a bit, as if he realized he had said too much. 

“I need some air.” Tony said, as he pushed past Steve, and swung the door open, stepping out into the parking lot.

Steve watched Tony walk outside, playing through everything they had just said over in his head.

_ Two fucking years, Steve. You broke my heart.  _

_ Don’t you get it? _

Steve reflected on everything he and Tony had been through, and he thought he finally understood.

You don’t pack a bag and speed off with someone you mistrust. 

You don’t post up in crappy motel rooms eating roadside diner burgers with a guy you can’t stand.

You certainly don’t leave everything behind to go on an endless road trip to nowhere with someone you don’t at least consider a friend. 

You also don’t spend your nights holding and comforting someone in distress unless you truly care about them. 

And you don’t forgive just  _ anyone _ who gave you so much hell because you thought you might lose them.

And you don’t keep someone at an arm’s length even when it hurts you because they may need the space unless you truly care about their wellbeing.

No, in fact, you only do all of these things for someone you truly love. 

Steve turned and walked outside.

The chasm between them once felt impassible. But now it’s only about twenty paces across some cracked asphalt - easy for Steve to cross. He looked at Tony, back turned toward Steve, silhouette lit up by the light from the glowing red neon motel sign above. 

Steve stepped forward, finally going somewhere with an intended destination. 

“I’m sorry.” Tony turned around to look at Steve.

Steve continued. “I know you said you already put it behind you but I still need to say it because you deserve to hear it. Being honest is the least I could do. I’m sorry I put you through hell. I’m sorry I made you worry. I’m sorry I left for two years and that you felt you couldn’t call me. I’m sorry that I made things so complicated that you didn’t know how to talk to me anymore. 

I’m sorry for trying to push you away tonight. I thought that because you hadn’t been speaking to me that at any moment you were going to get mad about everything that had happened and take off. Seeing the Iron Man suit freaked me out because it only confirmed that fear that you could just leave me at any moment and it reminded me a bit of the battle too since that’s when I last saw it. I shouldn’t have tried to take that out on you or bait you into some kind of fight. 

You were right - there’s a part of me that wanted you to be mad just so it would vindicate how guilty I’ve been feeling about everything. I never, ever intended to hurt you and while I don’t regret saving Bucky it should never have come at the expense of your feelings. You deserved to know the truth. Even back then I think I was also scared of losing you too. I was scared how you’d react and instead of just being honest I ensured you found out in the worst way possible. Not only did I hide the truth from you, but in doing so I also denied you the chance to process that information in a safer and healthy manner, and for that, I’m sorry too.

I’m an incredibly lucky man, because I know I have many friends that will and have moved mountains to help me when I need it. And hearing you say that I make you feel like you can ‘never do right by me’ makes me realize that my biggest oversight is not appreciating what you’ve tried to do and how much you truly care about me. And for that, most of all, I’m truly sorry.”

Tony’s eyes were wet. 

The Avengers had always joked around, that Steve was an old fashioned ‘nostalgia guy’, straight out of the past and Tony was ‘the futurist’, always looking forward.

But here they were, in a motel parking lot thousands of miles from home because Steve had been running ahead from what he had lost. 

Here with Tony, who had been chasing what he still had left. 

“I’m here, Tony.” Steve picked up Tony’s hand and put it on his chest. “I’m not going anywhere.”  

Tony moved in closer and put his head on Steve’s chest. Steve put his arms around Tony. Tony moved his arms around Steve’s waist. Steve stroked Tony’s hair and felt Tony slightly sob. Steve hugged Tony tighter, holding him for a few minutes until Tony stopped crying.

“Thank you,” Tony said, face still buried in Steve’s chest.

“Hey, Tony?”

Tony looked up at Steve. Steve moved his hands to Tony’s face and wiped away his tears. 

“I’ve been honest with you. Would you mind returning the favor with just one question?”

Tony swallowed, unsure but replied, “Yeah, go ahead.” 

“You said it twice, inside. That I broke your heart. What did you mean by that?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Work's been crazy, sorry for the delay! 
> 
> The next chapter is technically the last one, and Chapter 10 will be a sort of epilogue that will lead into the next story in this series. Chapter 9 will be up later this week and the epilogue and first chapter of the next story will go up at the same time a week later.


	9. Your Arms Are All The Home I Need

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New tags/warning: Kissing, hand jobs, implied sexual content; Discussion of grief

The night’s conversation made Steve realize two things.

One - both he and Tony had been avoiding a confrontation this whole trip out of fear they would lose each other.

And two - that Steve never wanted to lose Tony again.

Over the years, Steve had admired Tony from afar; he had always thought Tony was handsome, appreciated how nice Tony always looked. The other Avengers had always joked that Tony and Steve’s bickering and banter was like that of an old married couple.

They fought alongside each other; protected each other.

He told Tony that Tony had given him a home.

He hid the truth about Howard and Maria partially because he didn’t want it to jeopardize his relationship with Tony.

That even after their fallout, deep down Steve still trusted Tony enough to give him a means of contact while they were on the run, even though someone else with much more nefarious intentions could have easily used that as a means to have Steve and the others captured. Not Tony though.

After Steve’s nightmares, how easy it was to be comforted after only a few minutes in Tony’s arms.

That the dreams would go away when he was cuddled up with Tony.

The writing was on the wall for Steve. He loved Tony. Always had, deep down. Couldn’t live without him. And didn’t want to. It was so obviously true, a clear undisputed fact like two plus two equals four. But this whole time he had refused to internalize it.

But now, finally, it was clear to Steve how he truly felt.

If Tony felt the same way, Steve needed to know.

And if they were going to be honest with each other then Steve needed to hear the words from the man himself.

“Tony, what did you mean by that?”

“Uhh. . .” Tony trailed off, looking back down toward Steve’s chest.

Steve smiled and gently cupped Tony’s face as he lifted Tony’s head to look him in the eye.

“Do you have feelings for me, Tony?” Steve asked softly.

“It sounds like you already know the answer to that, Steve.”

“How long?”

Tony shrugged. “I really don’t know. I used to hear about you all the time growing up. I really didn’t want to like you but then they pulled you out and you were just as nice and brave and strong and handsome as all hell as the stories made you out to be. And over time the more I got to know you, the more I liked you. Couldn’t help it.

Things got complicated. I still had feelings for you but I wasn’t going to make things more difficult by saying anything. And eventually, we got here.” Tony was looking slightly down like he was talking into Steve’s chest.

“Do you still feel that way about me?”

Tony paused and said “Yeah.”

“Good.”

Steve leaned in, kissing Tony on the lips. At first, Tony let out a small surprised noise. But after a second, he felt Tony begin to return the kiss, and Tony’s hands grip onto Steve’s sides harder.

Even after they parted, Steve rested his forehead against Tony’s.

“I’m tired of feeling like I’m losing you too. I’ve been afraid, and too oblivious or stubborn to even realize it. I don’t want to be without you, Tony. Not anymore.” Steve kissed him again.

“Maybe we should go back into the room. You know, instead of making out in a parking lot.”

Steve let out a laugh. “Okay.”

Tony held Steve’s hand as they walked back to the room. Steve closed the door behind him. Tony immediately flipped Steve around and pushed him back into the door, kissing him deeply.

They separated and Tony ran his hands down Steve’s chest, ending at his waist. “You know I’d be lying if I said I didn't enjoy keeping my arms around your waist all summer on your bike.” Steve laughed, walked over and sat on one of the beds, pulling Tony into his lap, both kicking off their shoes. Tony moved to straddle Steve’s hips and cupped Steve’s face as he kissed him. Steve let his hands wander across Tony’s back, beginning to find his way under Tony’s shirt.

“What do you want for tonight?” Tony asked.

Steve looked up at Tony. “We don’t have to go crazy. I just want to be close to you.”

Tony kissed him again. “Okay. If you need to stop let me know.”

Intimacy was all Steve wanted. The exchange of long kisses that pulled at Steve’s heartstrings. Roaming hands that pulled off each other’s clothes and explored each other sweetly and lovingly that slowly evolved to something more passionate and eager. Steve finished undressing them both and the skin to skin contact between them sent a jolt through Steve’s body. Tony nuzzled against Steve’s neck as Steve reached down and stroked them both together, heat slowly building for several minutes. They finished together and exchanged a single long kiss.  Steve knew Tony had his heart forever if he wanted it.

Tony climbed off Steve. “Okay, today has been incredibly long and messy. I’m getting in the shower. You wanna join?”

“Absolutely.”

After the shower, they changed into pajamas and Tony ordered a pizza. They sat snuggled together on one of the beds watching TV as they ate. Steve noticed the usual heaviness and tension he had become accustomed to wasn’t there anymore.

Relaxed. Sitting cuddled next to Tony like this was the most relaxed Steve had felt in a long time.

Steve took Tony’s hand in his. “Thank you for being so patient with me. No more guessing games. I promise from now on I’m going to be honest with you about how I’m feeling and what I’m thinking.”

Tony replied, “I promise to be honest with you too.” Steve leaned in and kissed Tony again.

Tony continued speaking. “I guess I’ll ask you the same thing you asked earlier - when did you start having feelings for me?”

“I’m - I’m honestly not sure. I wish I could pinpoint something particular,” Steve replied. “Let me think about it and maybe I could figure that out. I mean I’ve always thought you were handsome. Very generous. Caring. Smart. Deep chocolate eyes. Nice butt. Especially in those tailored suits, uh -”

“Oh no, no, keep saying all the things you like about me.” They both laughed.

Steve turned onto his side to look at Tony. “There are a few more things I guess I don’t understand. I get why you were a bit hesitant to talk to me, but why other people? At the start of our trip, you weren’t speaking to random strangers either.”

Tony shifted to make it easier for Steve to lean on him. “Oh, a couple reasons for that, honestly. Letting you take the lead on taking care of both of us gave me an idea of where your head might be. If you couldn’t even handle giving a lunch order then the problems were probably bigger than just needing a week away from the office. After you started having those dreams I took over just to give you a bit of a break.

But I also kept my mouth shut as a way to keep conversations short. You saw what the ride was like over here. I really do like speaking to new people, but everyone we talk to wants to thank us and tell us about how we saved them or their loved one. People aren’t necessarily an open book with you - you’re handsome and quiet and an American legend, that intimidates most people - but with me, they’ll say their life story. But they also pick up on body language. If I’m quiet and reserved they usually pick up on that. Say their peace and walk away. Or just thank you, or nothing at all. I didn’t want you to have to sit through people retelling their losses over and over again. Or worse, dealing with questions about how the battle went.”

“Oh. That’s actually - that’s very smart. Yeah, I would not have done well being asked about the battle over and over again.”

Tony thought to himself for a moment and continued. “Thank you, you know, for letting me come with you. I know you could have just told me to fuck off and speed away, and I appreciate that you didn’t.”

“I saw that you already had your bag packed. And if you needed to escape the compound as much as I did why not go together? We were on the same page for once.”

Steve thought about it for a moment. “Actually, where were you planning on going? If I didn’t take off?”

Tony sighed and said, “I was planning on leaving that night. Head to New York and then back to LA for a little while, depending on how Pete, uh, Spiderman, was holding up. Could barely sleep or eat. Couldn’t even walk into the lab without thinking of Bruce. Then Nat told me you were leaving. I grabbed my stuff to meet you.”

“I’ve sometimes seen you texting or could hear you on the phone with someone. Were you talking with the Avengers?”

“Technically, yes, I guess. Every few days Rhodey would send a message that was basically like ‘still alive?’ and I’d say yes but that was it. Mainly I was talking to Peter. I wasn’t sure how he’d be doing after coming back from being dusted. But he’s back at it, doing his patrols around New York as Spiderman. I don’t know how he has the energy. It didn’t take him too long to find trouble either. He kept telling me about this bad guy who was taking things around New York. Seemed to be escalating but not being there I couldn’t make sense of it so I just told him to reach out to the rest of the Avengers since I made him part of the team while we were in space.”

“I wonder if that’s what Sam and the others were investigating.”

“Huh?”

“While we were still at the hotel I got a text from Sam saying he, Nat and Rhodey were investigating something in Chicago. Wonder if it’s related.”

“Maybe. Hopefully that all got settled.” Tony paused.

“I’m sorry about not telling you I had the suit with me. I thought it made sense to have it just in case - and it did - but I should have considered how seeing it might make you feel after the battle. Steve, I promise you - unless someone’s life is in danger, I won’t have the suit out.”

“Thanks. I didn’t - I didn’t realize how shaken the battle made me. But then that accident happened and you immediately sprung into action and I was just frozen. It scares me, Tony. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. To go back to the compound. Or pick up the shield again.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“But that’s the thing - I do _want_ to. I miss our friends, and I like helping people. It’s what I know. Part of it is that it still hurts, to think about going on without _them_ , but I think I’m - I’m also just scared. What happens when the next big thing comes? What if we can’t stop it or what if we lose more friends?”

Tony put his hand on Steve’s. “I’ll tell you what. You don’t have to be Captain America. You really don’t. You just have to be Steve. And the Steve I know is kind and smart and brave without the stars and stripes behind him. You will find your way. And whatever that looks like, I will be right by your side for all of it. If that means picking up the shield again or not joining the Avengers on the battlefield or just handling strategy and training or never going back to the compound again at all, I will be here to support you.”

Steve felt tears running down his face. Tony offered a soft smile, moved the pizza box and extended his arms. “Come here.”

Steve moved into Tony’s embrace, laying on his side, head resting against Tony’s chest and his leg tossed over Tony’s.

Tony pet Steve’s hair with one hand and rubbed Steve’s back with the other. “I miss them like crazy, Steve. And I know you do too. I miss running on missions together and riding back in the Quinjet. I miss walking into the common area to see Clint and Natasha quietly fighting over the remote. I miss the hours spent with Bruce in my lab. I miss talking with Thor because no matter what, any conversation with him always made me feel better. I miss the breakfasts at the old Avengers Tower and having everyone in one place.”

“How are you dealing? With losing them?”

“It hurts of course. It’s going to hurt every day for the rest of my life, I think, at least just a bit. And it should - we lost three people we love and care about. And they died in an effort to correct a horrific act and save _literally_ trillions of lives across the universe. I don’t know what we could have done differently that would have saved them. There are worse and less noble ways to go.

And how do I deal with it? I take care of both the people I care about and strangers I don’t know. You, obviously, all of this,” he gestured around, “and doing things like offering Peter guidance and advice. Helping people caught in an accident or giving a kid a prototype of a tablet I’m working on after her uncle helped me out of a jam. Our friends sacrificed themselves to save the world. The least I can do to honor them is to do what I can to make the world a better place. Bit by bit.”

Steve stayed cuddled against Tony as they began to exchange memories of Thor, Clint, and Bruce and reminiscing about how the Avengers used to be. Some of the stories made them both crack up laughing, others made them both shed happy tears. Eventually, the chatting turned into silence as Steve laid in Tony’s arms and they both quietly drifted off to sleep.

Steve had only one dream that night.

_He looked up in the sky toward the wormhole above Stark Tower. Tony had caught the incoming nuke and steered it toward the wormhole._

_“Stark, you know that’s a one-way trip?” Steve said. Tony gave no response, just climbed higher and higher. Steve watched as Tony zoomed into the wormhole, taking the nuke with him and saving the millions of people in New York below._

_Steve knew they couldn’t leave the wormhole open and it killed him to make the choice, but he ordered Natasha to close the wormhole. He stood with Thor and the Hulk watching the portal close, the nuke explode and at last, Tony dropping out of the sky. And he wasn’t slowing down. Suddenly the Hulk jumped up and grabbed Tony out of the air, landing with Tony safely on the ground. But Tony wasn't responding at first. Steve was terrified that they had lost him; but after the Hulk yelled and Tony woke up, relief flooded Steve. They made it. They won._

The next morning, Steve woke up in a tangle between Tony and the bedsheets. His memory replaying the dream from the night before.

“You okay? You were mumbling a bit last night.”

Steve leaned forward and kissed Tony on the cheek. The movement felt immediately natural like he had been doing it for years.

“Yeah, a dream. Different this time. We were back in New York, at the battle. You were taking the nuke into the wormhole.”

“Yeah, and? What about it?”

“That’s when. That’s when I think I fell for you. Without realizing it. I had been giving you so much shit, calling you selfish. And you proved me wrong. I’ve never been happier to be wrong. Watching you fly that missile away from the city was just seeing you in a new light.”

Tony pulled Steve in and gave him a kiss, which Steve happily returned.

They followed their usual routine. Tony returned the room key to the motel office window. Steve secured their bags to the motorcycle and checked for any issues. There were none.

Steve waited on his bike for Tony, who emerged out of the motel office with helmet in hand, sunglasses tucked into his shirt, smiling wide at Steve.

“We all set?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, hop on. We came from the east, right?”

“That’s right.”

“Okay. Moving west it is.”

Tony put on his helmet and wrapped his arm in the usual position around Steve’s waist. Steve pulled out of the parking lot and back onto the road.

Steve had told Tony a long time ago that Tony had given him a home. While Steve didn’t know when or if he’d ever be able to return to the compound, he was relieved to know Tony, with his love and support, would keep giving Steve a home whenever and wherever he needed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! 
> 
> The next chapter is an epilogue and leads into the next story in the series. Both the epilogue and the first chapter will be posted at the same time.


	10. Epilogue

A little over two weeks had passed since the day of the accident and their argument at the motel. 

They had continued traveling, but the trip felt different now that they were together. They used to take out almost all of their meals, eating them in silence back at their motel room; but now that they were together they were making up for lost time. Meals were now long chats in the corners of diners and restaurants, with smiles and handholding and the occasional game of footsie under the table. The prior weekend they even had their first official date, dropping their belongings off at a hotel in a small city before changing into nice clothes and going to a fancy Italian restaurant, followed by a play.

The nights together were different too. They would start snuggled in bed, watching TV and chatting, or listening to an audiobook on Tony’s phone. Eventually, one would turn to the other and make a move, starting with kissing and leading to more. With no one to bother them, they would take as much time as they wanted. The night would always finish with a shower together and curling up to sleep in the other bed. 

Steve’s dreams became less frequent, only happening four times over the past two weeks. Steve attributed it to a combination of talking about his feelings openly with Tony, being more mentally spent after the welcome engaging distraction of their new relationship, and admittedly, being more physically tired now that they were sleeping together. 

Had it been anyone else, someone that Steve knew far less, he would never have moved so quickly in the relationship. But it was Tony - he had known him for the better part of a decade, trusted him with his life, and the constant time alone together made it easier for their relationship to move along physically as quickly as it was. 

June rolled into July, and with it came Steve’s birthday - his 100th. 

Steve, while happy to have received a few birthday messages from Bucky and T’Challa, was actually a bit relieved he wasn’t at the compound for his birthday, because even without being in a relationship with Tony he knew the man would have thrown him a massive party to celebrate the occasion. 

“You don’t have to make a big deal of it.”

“You are literally a century old today, the least I can do is get you a damn cake.” 

“How are you going to carry a cake on the motorcycle?”

Tony thought about it. “Shit.” 

Steve laughed. 

“I’ll figure something out.” 

So for Steve’s birthday, Tony got a cake (that was driven to the motel carefully balanced on Steve’s crotch and held in place by Tony), they ordered some food, and the two of them spent the whole day together in bed at the motel.

Steve and Tony both stepped out of the bathroom, towels wrapped around their waists. Tony stood by the dresser, searching his bag for clean clothes. Steve stepped behind Tony and put his arms around Tony’s waist, and gave Tony a kiss on the cheek.

“That was fun,” Steve said between peppering kisses along Tony’s neck. Tony let out a small happy hum. “What’re you looking for?”

“Clothes for bed. And for tomorrow. We’re going to have to do laundry soon.”

“So skip the clothes for tonight. It’s just you and me. You don’t need ‘em.”

Tony raised an eyebrow. “You have plans, birthday boy?”

“Maybe.” Tony reached a hand up to Steve’s face behind him and pet the side of Steve’s head affectionately.

Steve turned Tony around and kissed him gently. Tony moved over and sat up on the dresser next to where the cake was and pulled Steve to stand between his legs. 

“Can I run an idea by you?” Tony asked. He fed a spoonful of cake into Steve’s mouth. 

Steve swallowed. “Of course. What’s on your mind?”

“I was thinking - the bouncing around motel rooms is fun. But we’re getting into the thick of summer and it’s getting pretty hot to be riding uncovered out in the sun all day.”

Steve raised an eyebrow. “You thinking of heading back?”

“NO. No, absolutely not. The opposite, actually. How would you feel if we got a camper?”

“What?”

“Like a camper or RV or something. We could keep riding around - in air conditioning, this time - and then take the motorcycle out to go on short trips. Maybe actually go to a few tourists attractions. It’s summer, there’s got to be a thousand odd things to see and do out there . . .” 

Tony kept talking but Steve was only half listening. He just stared at Tony in awe; a couple of weeks ago, they were at each other’s throats and Steve was terrified that at any point, Tony would leave him. But here was Tony now, not only asking to extend their trip but to acquire something closer to permanent accommodations for the two of them to keep traveling.

“ . . . like I love myself a county fair. I’m pretty good at ring toss - I could win you a bear, we could have funnel cake . . .” 

Steve was beaming at Tony.

“. . . and I’ll be honest, I’ve missed shopping a bit so it’d be nice to be able to buy some more clothes and have a place to put them. . .”

Steve didn’t know what he did to be so lucky. 

“Yes. Yes, Tony, that’s a great idea.” He kissed Tony again and then Tony grabbed another spoonful of cake and fed it to Steve. 

“You’re sure? You’d be fine if we weren’t always riding around on your bike?” 

Steve swallowed the cake and said “Of course. It’ll be a little piece of the world that’s just ours.” 

“Alright. I’ll look into it.” He fed Steve another bit of cake. 

Both of their phones let off alerts at the same time. Tony and Steve exchanged a look, with a gut feeling something was wrong. 

Tony climbed off of the dresser and grabbed both phones, tossing Steve’s to him. They read the notifications and looked up at each other in shock. 

“Steve, I think we gotta go.”

They had received the same string of messages, all from Natasha, that read:

_ > sos  _

_ > the others are captured _

_ > he’s coming for me next  _

_ > HELP _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> I've also posted the first chapter in the next story of the series, A Tangled Web We Weave. That focuses on Peter & Natasha and the other Avengers during Steve and Tony's trip so far. 
> 
> The third story in the series will pick up where this and A Tangled Web leave off.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm also at muchmoremajestic on tumblr. Most of this is already written so this will be updated soon.


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